BEHAVIOR IN YOUNG CHILDREN
BEHAVIOR IN YOUNG CHILDREN
Sarah Hazeltine - Intern
Michele Johnston,MA, NCC - Regional Director of the Achievement Center
Young children can exhibit a wide range of frustrating and trying behaviors. As parents/caregivers it can be difficult to figure out what is normal and what is not. There are many factors that can influence a child’s behavior: their personality, their age, their overall development and your parenting style are some of those factors. But still, what is normal and expected behaviors? Some age-expected behaviors for children between the ages of birth to 6 years old can include: whining, screaming, not listening/following directions, fighting with siblings, talking back, and tantrums.
Managing these age-expected behaviors can be hard work. Here are some tips to try with your child’s frustrating behaviors:
1. Manage your child’s behaviors consistently (in the same way) each and every time. A consistent approach will go a long way. For example, you may want to give your child a sticker (just put them on a piece of paper hung on the wall or your refrigerator) EVERY time your child displays a behavior you like (i.e., sitting and eating at the dinner table, brushing their teeth, hanging up their coat or putting their shoes in the correct place). This can also include addressing negative behaviors such as briefly sitting your child in a chair or on a small mat (time-out) ~ away from positive input (television, toys, etc.) when they display a negative behavior (hitting someone).
2. Set limits for your child. Limits tell your child what is allowed and what is NOT allowed. Again, you must be consistent with your limits. This can include letting your child know that they must ALWAYS have your permission to turn on the TV, or that there is NO standing/jumping on furniture. Remember, if you let your child get away with these things “every once in awhile,” you will have a battle when you attempt to set this limit at other times. Also remember to make your limits and expectations realistic and appropriate to your child’s age and developmental level. It may be unrealistic to expect your 2 year old to get themself ready (shoes, coat, hat, etc) EVERY time you leave the house - at that age, they can do some things, but they can not do all of it.
3. Give your child choices. Small choices allow young children to begin to explore their independence. It also gives them chances to feel important and included throughout their day. Your choices should be things that you, as the parent/caregiver, are comfortable with whatever choice they make AND things that do not impact their safety. For example, you might say to your 3 year old ~ “Do you want to hold my hand or be carried?” You may ask your 5 year old to choose between two or three shirts you have pulled out ~ “Which one would you like to wear today?” You may ask your 2 year old ~ “Do you want milk or water to drink?”
4. Let your child make some mistakes. We all make mistakes, we all learn from our mistakes. Children will learn from mistakes also and it is ok if, every so often, they make one. You can pair this with the choice suggestion above and ask your 6 year old ~ “Do you want to wear your coat or carry it to the car?” The child may choose to carry their coat and discover that it is pretty cold out - they can either ask you for their coat to put it on, or simply learn from their mistake and wear the coat the next time. Another example of this can be your child making a mess while they eat. Let’s say your 4 year old drops food on the floor, either purposefully or accidentally. Rather than getting extremely angry at them and yelling, you can simply state ~ “That’s too bad that you will need to clean up your mess after dinner and it will cut down your TV time.” Make sure you FOLLOW THROUGH with this. Have your child clean up their mess (yes, you may have to help them do this) and then significantly cut down their TV time (maybe they only get 10 minutes instead of ½ hour). Again, there is no yelling needed on your part, a simple ~ “Oh, that’s too bad that you made that mess and it took away from your TV time.”
5. Allow your child to have a tantrum. I know, I know....our goal is to STOP tantrums, but part of stopping them is to allow them to occur. Don’t give in to your child just to avoid them having a tantrum. Instead, allow them to have their tantrum (laying on the floor, kicking, screaming, yelling, crying) and simply turn your back on them, pretend you are straightening some things up in the room, fold some clothes, hum to yourself. The key is to NOT give the child ANY of your attention - which is exactly what they are seeking. Please note that if your child is engaging in TRULY dangerous behavior during a tantrum (SEVERE head-banging, trying to run out of the house, etc.) then you would obviously not ignore them and would need to intervene to make sure they are safe. That level of severity is rare within children and most of their behaviors can be successfully ignored.
If you are continuing to have significant difficulties dealing with your child’s behaviors, or if you feel that your child’s negative acting out behaviors are exceeding normal limits, know that it is okay to ask for help. Talk with your primary care physician or pediatrician for initial guidance. They may be able to give you some helpful suggestions or assist with linking you with other resources. You can also call for a referral for an Early Intervention screening. Screenings are free and available to any child ages birth until they begin Kindergarten. If your child is under 3 years old you can call Crawford County Human Services at (814) 373-2662 to set up a screening. If your child is 3 years to school age you can call the Northwest Tri-County Intermediate Unit #5 at (814) 734-5610 for a screening.
The Achievement Center can also help answer questions and can provide services to qualified children and families. We offer a wide range of services to meet a child and family’s needs depending on age, diagnosis, and the current services a child may be receiving. The Achievement Center staff would be happy to speak with you about your child and your concerns. Please feel free to contact Michele at (814) 724-1333, for additional information.